The Joy of Sex from a Christian Wife's Perspective   I am a conservative Christian wife and mother and I love sex. Every Sunday morning, I attend church. Every school morning, I take my son to school. Every weekday afternoon, I kiss my husband when he gets home from work. Every evening, I cook supper for my family, and almost every night, I close my bedroom door to partake in my favorite cardio activity: sex. While I proclaim boldly that I love sex, many of my Christian female friends do not. In fact, when I bring up my sexual appetite and prowess, my friends react like children and giggle or stare at me in dismay. My Christian friends aren’t the only ones who act surprised when I vocalize my love of sex. Somehow it has become an oxymoron to be a Christian woman and sexual. Often times the church encourages silence on issues regarding sex. Don Joy, professor of human development and family studies at Asbury Theological Seminary and author of several books about intimacy and marriage, says that the silence of the church insinuates shame and that often there is no accounting for the power of shame. Yet also surrounded by images of sex in pop culture, Christian women often develop conflicting views on what is appropriate. However, God wants us to celebrate sex. The Bible includes an entire book on the expression of love. In Song of Songs, King Solomon describes acts of sexual love, often using erotic lyrics like “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth ... Take me away with you — let us hurry! Let the king bring me into his chambers.” In Songs the female, as well as the male, vocalizes her sexual desire and experiences. Patsy Rae Dawson, author of “Marriage: A Taste of Heaven, Vol. II: God’s People Make the Best Lovers,” states that surveys conducted by both secular and Christian groups show that God’s people make the best lovers. Dawson also says, and listen closely, “A truly uninhibited person enjoys his spouse to the fullest with the blessings of a clear conscience.” Not only should Christian women embrace their sexuality, but they should also realize almost any sexual act within the confines of marriage is acceptable and healthy. True sexual liberation for the Christian woman comes with the ability to welcome uninhibited love with her husband. Furthermore, Christian women should enjoy a hot, slammin’ sex life. Written by:  Leslie Niswonger for The University Daily Kansan newspaper

Ten Ways for the Christian Wife to Avoid the Whoopees   NUMBER ONE: Stay busy all the time in church. Doing this and doing that will eventually burn you out to the point where there is not much energy or desire for making love to your husband.  NUMBER TWO: Preach scriptures to your husband often about the importance of focusing on spiritual things like reading his bible and being involved in church more than what he is. After all, he simply thinks about sex too often and not about God enough.  NUMBER THREE: Make love only once a month or maybe once a week on Fridays and on holidays. This way, your husband will be so anxious and grateful. This will put you in a position of power over him. Never mind that this causes him frustration and acts of anger. Just be sure to punish him for any outburst. The dog house baby!  NUMBER FOUR: Never ever flirt with your husband or grab his buttocks or his…uh…well you know…his what-cha-ma-call-its. After all, that is not holy and is more reflective of a slut and we know that all sluts are going to hell.  NUMBER FIVE: Keep a headache constantly. Don’t take painkillers. If your head hurts all the time, you will always have an excuse for not getting in the groove with your husband. Of course the headache strangely goes away when you get ready to go to church.  NUMBER SIX: When you do make love, only do it with the lights off. Never make love in the broad daylight. Never use candles or night lights. There must be complete blackness, darkness and such things of this nature. There’s just too many things that you are dealing with from your past for you to allow your husband to see you butt naked. Maybe down to the bra and slip but even that is pushing it to the edge. After all, didn’t you read somewhere where it is a sin for a man to look upon the nakedness of a woman???  NUMBER SEVEN: Never permit yourself to enjoy the pleasure that your husband can give you. Women are not suppose to have fun in bed or even utter a moan even though one may slip every now and then. That is simply not holy. Just lay there and let him do "his business". When he’s through don’t wonder him if you pleased him. After all…he did climax didn’t he???  NUMBER EIGHT: Never take a bath or a shower with your husband. This is simply asking for trouble. Take all of your baths alone. We all know that men get turned on at seeing their wives wet and naked. Besides, it’s hard to take a shower (refer back to 6.) in the dark.  NUMBER NINE: When he makes his move, get spiritual on him. Say something like this for example: "The Lord is leading me to read my bible tonight and fast sex. I will let you know when I come off of this fast." Or you can say "No, honey…I won’t wear that…only sluts dress like that." Make sure your knees are covered 24/7. Surely he will understand. After all, God comes first and you must constantly remind him of that too. Remember…look married but not sexy. All women who look sexy are going to hell and you don’t want to go there do you?  NUMBER TEN: When you do make love always do it in the same place and same position. Never let him get you to try a different position or even a different place. Why rent a hotel if you are living in a home? That’s stupid. Why lay on the floor by the fireplace when you have a bed in the bedroom? Besides, all of this takes up time and this thing must be over with in 10 to 15 minutes max. The dishes are still in the sink.  Remember…these ten tips must be followed to the impth degree. Only then will you be assured of destroying all sexual intimacy in you and your husband’s relationship. Never mind that sexual intimacy is a beautiful form of worship in the presence of God. This is a realm of the spirit that must not be entered into because something about it is just not right…it makes you feel uncomfortable. Though it could be because of past experiences, you can’t let yourself dwell on that now because you are saved, full of the Holy Ghost and that with tongues. Thus, you don’t need to deal with your past (eww that hurts) nor is it necessary for you to let God help you in this area. Just keep it buried and keep your husband in longing and things will work out one way or another…won’t they?  Joyce Rogers is the poetess and web author of SpicyPoems.com.  There you will find her sexually intimate poetry…a beautiful reflection of the holiness of sexual intimacy within the gates of marriage. She will celebrate her 28th wedding anniversary this year. She has written poetry since age 12 but started writing intimate poems on the night of one of her wedding anniversaries. Her first poem was The Act Of Marriage and since then she has written many and now runs a business from her home called Spicy Poems. In fact you can get a free 4×6 full color glossy of the poem entitled: The Act Of Marriage when you visit her site.  Copyright © 2007 By Joyce Rogers All Rights Reserved